The Longing

I am a self confessed idealistic person. I conform to the norms of the society. I hold on to the ideals that have influenced me since the day I was born. I prefer to choose the right thing rather than to be practical. And so with my perception about my family.

I belong to an extended family. Living together with everybody is like a mixture, blended together, pounded, grounded and resulted to homogeneous one. Everyone is unique and yet coalesce with the aspirations in life. To each its own, working together to achieve the common goal. I grew up full of love by everybody. But of course there are things in myself that could not be contained by just love.

Living without a father is challenging. I have been through this obstacle since then. I would describe my fatherless life, as walking blindfolded inside the labyrinth, finding my way out to the end of the maze. Such strenuous undertaking did not hinder me to be defeated in this battle. Its my way of life and consider it part of my system already. But still there is this emptiness inside me, longing to see my father.

With the loneliness I am bearing, I found myself comforted with the memories I had with him if there was any. I can only recall he existed with the stories that my mother shared to me over again.  I wish that even in my dreams, I could talk to him, eagerly listening to his words, and just being with him. All of these are but a fantasy, trapped inside a bubble of desires which will vanish in an instant. Will I ever see him?

I wake up today wanting to seek  the presence of my dad. It has been one score and six years he has gone. But today is the day to pay visit him. I took the jeepney and heard the song playing that somewhat added to my sentiments. As I alighted the vehicle, nearing the place, a breeze of wind approached me and comforted my longing. I could feel my dad embracing me and said, “You are not alone my son”.

I am a few step away from him, walking under the canopy of the mahogany trees, listening to the bustling sound of the leaves being cradled by the gentle wind. Carrying a bunch of flowers, I laid it upon his grave.

I miss you dad.

The Road Less Travelled Is Not Always The Best Option.

THE WAYS

To every man there openeth

A choice of ways to go;

And the high souls take the high road

And the low souls take the low,

And in between on misty flats,

the rest drift to and fro;

But to everyone there openeth

A highway and a low,

And everyone decideth

The way his soul shall go

- John Oxenham

Life is like a crossroad. Everyday you are bombarded with decisions that sometimes place you in a very difficult situation. Each decision leads to a path which awaits you an answer. Dealing with the path you choose is not as easy as we usually think. It affects the totality of a person be it physical, mental and emotional. These factors affect our way of deciding on things that we deal with as we walk in this journey. As we walk through the path that we chose, we deal with the things we meet along the way.

I am now in a topsy-turvy situation. I do not know why I am experiencing this way. I do not know myself anymore.  Is it maybe I chose the wrong path? What if the other way is much better than what I am facing today?Did I make a good decision? Will I be happy if  I took the road less travelled? These questions bother me every now and then.Even if I will be thinking this all over again, I would still come up to a same conclusion. There is no definite answer on the queries in the journey of life. Sooner we will find the  answers while we journey towards the end of the road.

The road I am travelling now seems  endless. I would say there is no shortcut. I must travel on this long and unwinding road.  Whatever things I may encounter in my journey, I’ll gladly accept it as this will hone me to become a better person. So be it.

The Word For Today is…

I was preparing myself to meet a dear friend of mine in a pastry shop in downtown Iloilo. Its my last chance to see him since he will fly back to Manila in the afternoon. As I approached the vicinity, I could not find him from a far and instead saw a familiar face and happened to be a friend too. Without much ado, I came to closer to their table and sit with them.

We chit chatted. Talked things over until a word was uttered. It sounded foreign to me. That word was Chiaroscuro.

Contemplating

Time flies. Indeed very fast. I have finished my training as a volunteer for four months. Yes! No more sleepless nights, no more graveyard shifts, and no more stressful encounters. All I can think of now, is to make up with the things that I have missed during my training. I just can sleep, sleep and sleep without worrying of waking up on the other side of the bed.

I never imagined to be a nurse in my entire life. It did not enter my mind then. Looking back, when the time I decided to enroll in the nursing program, it was nerve wracking. I would hear my critics say that I took up the course because its the “trend”. Others would say its the easiest way to work abroad. Honestly, I agree with them at first. But as I go deeper and exploring the new career I chose, I learned how to love it.

I remember one of my friends told me that if you are passionate on the things you are involved with, you will do everything for it, no matter what the cause may be. And he is absolutely right on this statement. Working on something you do not like is very difficult. With passion, things work for the better.

Contemplating. Reminiscing. I have been bombarded with experiences in my recent profession. In a job where you deal with life is never an easy way. There is no room for errors or else it would be fatal. I never think of heroism but I just do what I am supposed to do. Seeing a patient in agony pierced me in the heart. Seeing them recuperating is indeed heart warming. The feeling is so rewarding in a way, after all of my efforts, I am effective in my task.

The role played by a nurse in a hospital is vital in the promotion of health, prevention of illness, alleviation of suffering, restoration of health, and inculcation of the spiritual ideals which are the primary roles in this profession. I personally would take this principles by heart and apply them in my everyday life.

Looking back on the experiences I had, made me a better person. This is the path that I choose and if taking the risks are involve I will deal it. I am ready now to face whatever challenges I will encounter in the coming days.

Viticulture

When I was still a kid (ahem up to now feeling bagets ehehhe) my grandmother would tell stories that our neighbor grew grapes from their backyard. By hearing so, I was fascinated and eager to know how to plan t the vine. Oh well of course I failed with my experiments. It is quite impossible to succeed since we know that Pinas (growing banana plant would be easier isn’t it?)imports grapes from The US, China and other countries that have hectares of vineyard.

I have heard that in Arevalo, Iloilo City ( which is also known as Villa Arevalo, Villa for short) grows grapes since 1950. But to see is to believe. Until one day, I came to visit a vineyard located in a secret place in Sta. Barbara ( hire me as your tour guide I’ll bring you there for free hehehe) and was in awe! Kung sa ilonggo pa namanul sang grapes hehehe. I could not contain myself and been very happy seeing live vineyard for the first time!

A classmate of mine told me he grew grapes from seeds after he ate a bunch of them. Up to now he is still cultivating and made them mature. I have been begging him for some but of course he has to make them mature first. Anyway I hope hes going to give me someday.

Oh well kung ginaswerte ka gd man, I was surprised when I came home that my aunt sent me 2 growing vines of a Thompson grape variety from the States. Now I can’t wait to plant them in our yard. Wish me luck guys on my quest to Viticulture thingy. If I’ll be lucky enough, I could harvest some in 10-12 months time. Pray for it to grow so we could eat them soon hehehehe.

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